Growing up and Out: The Reality of Outgrowing Relationships

Photo by Kat Kelley on Unsplash

Outgrowing people. It's a phrase that seems simple, but it can stir up a lot of feelings. At least, it does for me. I mean, who doesn’t want to hold onto the relationships that once brought us joy? But life isn’t static. It’s not always meant to stay the same, and neither are we. And sometimes, that means letting go of people - even the ones you once thought you'd have forever.

I’m sure you’ve been there. You meet someone, maybe online or through a mutual friend, and things are great at first. You laugh, connect over shared interests, and it feels perfect. But then, over time, you start noticing things that don’t quite match up. Maybe your values don’t align, or your conversations feel forced. It’s like an awkward silence between old friends, one that’s hard to ignore, even if you're still trying to pretend everything’s fine.

That’s when it hits me: outgrowing someone isn’t a betrayal, it’s part of life’s cycle.

The Illusion of Social Media Friendships

Let’s talk about social media. We live in a world where people can know everything about you without really knowing you. A few likes, a couple of comments, and suddenly someone feels like they’re entitled to your whole vibe. Social media gives this false sense of proximity, where you can feel like you're best friends with someone just because you share a few moments. But let’s face it, those perfectly curated posts rarely show the full story.

You don’t see the tough conversations, the breakdowns, or the late-night thinking sessions that shape who someone really is. And while it’s amazing to connect with people across the globe, let’s not kid ourselves: most relationships that start online are based on a filtered version of who we really are. There’s nothing wrong with making friends online, but being able to discern who those people are - beyond the likes and comments - is a skill I’ve had to learn over the years.

Letting Go Without Guilt

One of the hardest parts of outgrowing people is the guilt. Especially when you’ve spent time together, laughed together, maybe even cried together. It feels wrong to just… move on, right? But it’s not about abandoning someone; it’s about accepting that you have changed, and they have too. There’s no shame in that.

I’ve spent a lot of time in my life feeling guilty for outgrowing people, especially when I look back at the memories we shared. But honestly, those memories are part of what made me who I am. I don’t regret them. The lesson was learned, and now it’s time to keep moving forward.

And let’s be real here: growth isn’t linear. It’s messy. It’s uncomfortable. It’s a process of shedding parts of yourself that don’t serve you anymore, just like you shed old skin. And some people, no matter how wonderful they were, were just part of that process. Growth requires change, and change often requires space.

Growth is Personal – Don’t Let Guilt Hold You Back

It’s not just about outgrowing relationships; it’s about growing into the person you’re meant to be. When I started prioritizing my personal development, I quickly learned that not everyone was going to understand or keep up. And that’s okay. It’s important to move at your own pace. Life isn’t a race, and it’s certainly not a competition of who can hold onto the most relationships. Some people may be meant to stay, others may not.

The thing is, moving forward doesn’t mean you’re leaving people behind, it’s about moving forward for yourself. You deserve to be surrounded by people who encourage you to evolve, not hold you back because they can’t keep up. This has been one of my hardest lessons, but also one of my most freeing. Moving forward is for you, not them.

Life’s Cycles: Embrace Each Season

You know how nature has seasons? Winter, spring, summer, fall - each one brings something new. Life is a lot like that. There are seasons of plenty, seasons of hardship, and seasons where we’re just figuring things out. People come into our lives during different seasons. Some stick around for the long haul, while others are just there to teach us a lesson or give us something we need for a specific chapter.

Just because someone leaves doesn’t mean they weren’t important to your story. They were. But that chapter is over, and it’s time to move to the next one. That’s how I try to look at it now. I don’t view outgrowing people as a failure, but as part of the evolution of who I am and who I’m meant to become.

Final Note: Own Your Growth

At the end of the day, it’s important to remember that growth is personal. It’s a journey. And no one else is going to understand it the way you do. Outgrowing people doesn’t mean they weren’t important, it just means that the season has changed. And that’s okay.

So, if you’re feeling guilty about leaving some people behind, stop. Don’t let guilt hold you back. Outgrowing people is part of life, and you have every right to grow and change at your own pace. Don’t feel bad for evolving. Remember, growth isn’t a sign that something went wrong. It’s the sign that something is going right.

Embrace your journey. Let go when you need to. Be grateful for the people who helped shape you. And never forget, moving forward is always for you, not for them.

Life consists a lot of us taking the lessons we’ve learned from past mistakes and relationships and consistently applying them to our lives… Remember that moving forward is always for you, not for them. Don’t feel guilty for moving at a pace that others can’t keep up with. Love, cherish, appreciate and move on. Such is life.